I gave up on making resolutions a few years ago. In years past on the 31st of December, I would sit in a corner with some type of alcoholic drink and make insanely grandiose vows about what I would and wouldn’t do in the new year. I’d forget them after about a week. So I’ve decided to abandon the resolution habit and focus instead on making small realistic promises to myself that I know I can keep.
Last year, I promised to spend time with the people who matter and for the most part I did that. Those who know my story know that I’ve been in the wilderness quite a few times in my life and I feel eternal gratitude to the people who stood by me during those times. The ones who I couldn’t be with physically, I made sure to keep in touch. I made a personal phone call on birthdays and special occasions. I made an effort to let them know that they matter to me.
My 2017 list is also brief. I want to visit home this year. And if not pay off my student loan, at least make a sizeable dent in the balance. If all goes well, it will also be the year when my divorce is finalized, an event that I’m surprised I have mixed emotions about. My soon-to-be ex-husband was one of the first to wish me happy new year. He did the same for Christmas and for my birthday last November. Our close 13-year friendship prior to the disastrous nuptials is now stronger than ever. I guess some people make better friends than they do partners. I’m talking about me.
Perhaps love will find me this year, although I secretly hope that money finds me first. Sure it can’t buy happiness but I’ve been poor and I wasn’t happy then either. Right now, I’m in a good place where winning the lottery won’t get to my head (I hope). I’m already happy with who I am and where I’m at in life.
I have discovered that I am most passionate about helping people and bringing joy to others. And I also realize that people matter over material things every time. I spend more time cultivating relationships with those who I have things in common. When 40 is looking you in the eye, you suddenly realize that it’s great to have drinking buddies, but having someone to call in the middle of the night when you just want to vent about the latest nonsense going on in your life is a privilege that should not be taken for granted.
I’m learning forgiveness and, one day soon, I hope that I will stop having visions about poisoning the people who’ve wronged me. It’s a slow pace but I’m steadily becoming a better person, I think.
I’m a work in progress.
Well said Denise. We all are a work in progress. Truly as time passes we all have to reflect and decide what really matters and what does not.
Thanks for reading hon!
I love you D, I hope I didn’t appear in the vision, if I did, I am asking for forgiveness from now, lol….one day you’ll have to bake me one of that crumsious rum cake, and I can’t risk being poisoned……😁😁😁 keep up the good work my friend, so proud of you.
LOL! Thanks Milisa!